I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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