The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
