I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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