By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i now understand why vodka
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
