I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
