I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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