Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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