Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
