did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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