she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
