just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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