Girls should come with a carfax report
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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