I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
