i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
