i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
