Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
