dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
