It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
