when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
