Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
