New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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