i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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