No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
