We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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