I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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