There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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