He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
