I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
