i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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