I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
