Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
