I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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