Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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