I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
