how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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