Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
