Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
