On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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