Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
