Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
