We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
