Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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