I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
