Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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