I love black thongs
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
