walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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