She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
