I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
