I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize