My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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