babies were throwing up all over the place
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
