he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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