dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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