My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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