I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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