I showed him my bush... on skype.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
