matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
