Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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