Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Pooping to opera.
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