hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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