I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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