I met the friendliest cop last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize