It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
