He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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