I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
