I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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