So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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