I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
