I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
