the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
