the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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