He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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