Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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