I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
