I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
