With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
