yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
