I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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