I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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