he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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