If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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