no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
